Illegitimate children, mail order brides and sound investment advice

It is the time of year here at work where they help us review our 401k plans. They tried to advise me against it, but I told them I wanted to put all my money into egg baskets. I just have a really good feeling about Easter this year.

How come you never hear of anyone getting ear jobs? I think a lot more people have goofy looking ears than people that have hideous noses.

I have pictures of my kids, nieces, nephews, and some of my co-workers' kids up in my cubicle. To an outsider, it probably looks like I'm trying to give Evander Holyfield a run for his money.

I downloaded the original Super Mario Bros. for the Wii Virtual Console last night. I used to be able to finish the game in about 10 minutes but I can't believe how hard the game is now. That has to be sure sign that I'm getting old. (And yes, I know that the actual original Mario Bros. wasn't SUPER, but you know what I mean.)

I've been going to physical therapy for my bad back and neck. I was skeptical but I highly recommend it. Especially if you like being touched in uncomfortable ways by women who look like mail order brides. Apparently some of the qualifications to be a physical therapist are broken english, crooked teeth, hairy moles and Jordache jeans.

I am in three NCAA basketball tournament pools and I have no idea why. I watched exactly one college basketball game this year and that was only because someone gave me tickets. I didn't watch a single game on TV, nor did I pay attention to SportsCenter during the college basketball segments for one minute until last week. So why do I think I have any business guessing who's going to win?

My next door neighbor, who is by my estimation between 35-40 years old, was outside last night racing his remote control car around the neighborhood until about 10:00. I was very tempted to go out and tell him that he was too old to be playing with remote control cars but I didn't want to interrupt my game of Super Mario Bros.