Am I smarter than a 5th grader? No, apparently I'm not

I'll admit, I wasn't really looking forward to watching the debut of the new Jeff Foxworthy game show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" last night. For one, I have never been a big Jeff Foxworthy fan and I had a feeling this would be a completely over the top version of him (to be fair, he was actually pretty good). And two, if I liked the show at all, I'd probably want to watch it again. Let's face it, the more crap on television that I'm addicted to watching on a nightly basis, the less time I have to spend on more important things like writing on this blog or spending time with family or sleeping. But last night, Jill and I gave it a chance, and unfortunately, I think we may be hooked.

I have no idea what would drive an adult to want to compete in this thing. Forget about the potential to bring home thousands of dollars. Why would anyone want to put themselves on national television and allow somebody to ask them a series of questions that they should know the answers to, all-the-while standing there like an idiot with a blank stare on their face? That's exactly what these poor contestants do.

Here are last night's questions:
- Who was the first President of the U.S. to be impeached?
- What month does Columbus Day fall?
- What's the name of the ship that the Pilgrims used to sail to America?
- Do polar bears eat penguins?
- If the area of a triangle is 16 sq ft and the base is 8 ft, how many ft is the height?
- What does R.E.M. stand for?

I'll be honest, I was positive I knew the correct answer on only 4 of those. Who the heck knows that the first President to be impeached was Andrew Johnson? According to this show, all the 5th graders on the panel did. Either they were lying, or I'm not as smart as I thought I was (insert joke here).

My only critique of this show so far is that it's extremely slow moving. They go to far too many commercial breaks for only a 30 minute show, which explains why they only got through 6 questions. My suggestion in order to make the show work better would be to expand it to an hour, or speed it up. This show has tons of filler, but there's no time for it. Regardless, I'll be watching again tonight. My contributions to this blog, quality family time, and sleep will just have to wait.

These kids don't need jail, they need an agent

Just when I think this world couldn't get any crazier, I read a story like this one. But as the brilliant Todd Wilkenson once said, where you see a problem, I see potential. The way I see it, these kids have a gift. Tom Hanks has it. So does Sean Penn and Leonardo DiCaprio. Hell, even Juliette Lewis has it. And having it is usually worth an Oscar nomination. I say after they're released from jail, they put it to good use.

Weekend Recap (Bad Weather, Oscars, and other ramblings)

- I’m an Ellen fan. And I’m not ashamed of it. She makes me giggle. Loved the white shoes.

- Ways to shorten the Oscars: Forget about cutting off the speeches. Just cut out every category except Best Actor/Actress, Supporting Actor/Actress, Director, Screenplay, and Picture. I’d maybe include Best Song, but that’s it. Everything else is a waste of time and nobody cares.

- Last Sunday, I remember seeing a weatherman’s version of the 7-day forecast, which showed the following Saturday (2 days ago) to have a high in the 50’s. This morning, I was watching the news when that same weatherman’s updated 7-day forecast came on the screen. I immediately changed the channel.

- I wonder if Martin Scorsese has ever lost anything in those eyebrows, like his car keys or something.

- Saturday night, I was cleaning off a mixture of snow, rain, and sleet from my windshield after leaving a family party downtown. I remember thinking to myself, "why did I even go out tonight?" I lifted up the drivers-side wiper to clean underneath it and as I was doing that, it fell apart in my hand. Not good.

- I have a feeling that Will Ferrell could have simply sat there on stage for 4 minutes, not saying a word, and I still would have been laughing.

- For those of you that know me well, you know that I've made no secret of the fact that I had never seen Star Wars. Well I can't say that any longer. I saw that it was playing on HBO, so I tivo'd it and finally watched it Sunday afternoon. I'll be honest, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about. Pretty cool for 1977. But otherwise, eh. I guess at the very least, Spaceballs makes more sense to me now.

- It seems like Eddie Murphy is awfully self-conscious about "Pluto Nash".

- Reason #518 that I am officially getting old. I no longer get excited for "good packing snow".

- Was Clint Eastwood drunk, blind, or can he not read?

- Reason #1 that I may not be as old as I think. The good packing snow tempted me enough to make one snowball and whip it at a tree for no reason whatsoever.

- Did the producers pair each male presenter at the Oscars with a taller female on purpose, or was that just a coincidence?

- Reason #519 that I am officially getting old. I immediately regretted the decision to make a snowball because I wasn’t wearing any gloves.

- I’d be okay if George Clooney was the presenter for every category. I have a feeling I’m not alone on that. Things just seem more important when he’s involved.

YOU should bring ME Handi Snacks

When you were a kid and it was your birthday, it was customary for you to bring in treats for the whole class. Does anybody remember why this was? Shouldn't it have been the other way around with kids bringing in treats for you? After all, it was your birthday, not everyone else's.

"Uh Mom, my birthday's coming up, can you go out and buy me 30 Handi Snacks SO THAT I CAN GIVE THEM ALL AWAY?"

That made no sense. I remember how hard it was to convince Mom to buy Handi Snacks at all. And now that she was, I was going to give them away? And maybe even to someone I didn’t even like? What the hell?

The irony here is now that I'm old enough, I can purchase my own Handi Snacks any time I want, and yet I never do. I was at the grocery store yesterday and probably circled the Handi Snack aisle 2 or 3 times, and yet I sit here today with no Handi Snacks. What's the lesson here? I'm not sure, but I think it proves that I'm an idiot.

Finger Lickin' Good Burger

A distant relative of Jill’s died late last week, so there were some extended family members in town for the funeral over the weekend. Sunday night, my brother-in-law Tommy and I were put in charge of picking up dinner for the whole family, and to our less than enthusiastic endorsement, the dinner of choice was KFC. Admittedly, I have always been a fan of their food, especially the cole slaw. Good stuff. But I absolutely hate having to go there. It’s the dirtiest restaurant there is, the service is always slow, and there’s always at least one or two customers waiting in line with you that are sure to help you lose your appetite.

So Sunday night, Tommy takes me to the local KFC in town and wouldn’t you know it, it shares a space with A&W. It’s disgusting enough being at a KFC. But being at a KFC slash A&W is twice as bad. I saw one guy sitting at a table by himself with a bucket of chicken, a cheeseburger, some mashed potatoes, an order of fries, and what I can only assume was a large rootbeer float. It took everything in my power to not throw up from looking at him. So why does a place like this even exist? Why are we even given the option of choosing between fried chicken and triple cheeseburgers?

I’ve asked myself similar questions when I’ve seen Dunkin Donuts and Baskin Robbins Ice Cream sharing establishments. Sure, it’s convenient when I get a craving for both a cream-filled pastry and some Rocky Road, but how often does that happen? You know what, don’t answer that.

The soldier formerly known as Prince

I haven't really read any of the stories but I've seen all the headlines like "Prince to join forces in Iraq." I can't help but think, isn't Prince a little too old to be involved in combat missions in Iraq? I mean he looked in decent shape at the Super Bowl but the guy is almost 50 years old!

A Britney follow-up

It is being reported that our favorite former pop star has checked herself out of rehab, less than one day after checking herself in. So the plot thickens. I am setting the over/under at 5 days before she's back in the news for something crazy, and I have no worries about taking the under. I think the only thing to wager on at this point that isn't a suckers bet would be the reason she'll be back in the news. My prediction is a domestic dispute with K-Fed.

Any other predictions?

Dog days of winter

Why do dog owners insist on trying to get their dog to look at the television whenever another dog is shown? I remember situations like this from my childhood, it went something like this:

Me: "Ginger, look at the TV. No, not at me, look over there. It’s a dog on the TV. No, on the TV. Hurry up, you’re gonna miss it. No, look over there. Damn it! You missed it. Stupid dog."

Ginger’s reaction: "What is it? You want me to do what? Get the ball? No? The kids are home? I don’t understand. Stop yelling at me. Oh, I get it. You want me to look at the stupid television again. I’m not even sure I can see anything on that thing. What, is there another dog on there? Look, I don’t care. I’ve seen hundreds of dogs. And they were real. In fact, I’m sure I’ll see Bandit tomorrow when I go outside. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go lay down in my cage for a while. I have big plans tomorrow of lying in that sun spot over by the window all day."

And we think we’re the smart one’s.

I'll take one long one and a few quickies

- Every day, our weather forecasters tell us what the temperature is, as well as what it "feels like" outside due to the wind-chill. But does it strike anyone else as kind of odd that a meteorologist (who uses scientific methods and data to calculate weather) would give us a number that is so unscientific when it comes to actual temperature? It strikes me as odd because temperature is a real value while wind-chill is just an abstract idea. Or is it? Do these people really know what it "feels like" outside? Better question – would I feel a difference between a wind-chilled temperature of 10 degrees versus an actual temperature of a windless 10 degrees? Even better question than that – am I the only person in the world who cares, or even thinks about things like this? Personally, I prefer a more time-honored method of checking the weather. I go outside. Yup, it's still cold.

- Speaking of the weather, have you ever noticed that 50 degrees is a lot different depending on what part of the year we're at? When it's 50 degrees in September, people are practically outside wearing snow pants. But when it's 50 degrees in February, people are outside in short-sleaves. Guys with convertibles are putting the top down. You gotta love February.

- Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan broke up three months ago. Now comes word that Bridget is three-months pregnant with Tom’s child. Talk about break-up sex gone wrong.

- Why do some drive-thru restaurants offer you free food if they forget to include a receipt with your order? That seems like an odd thing to grade their employees on. I’d much rather they concentrate on getting my order correct.

- It's gotta suck to be a woman. You put up with football for 5 months, you get a 1-month break while we catch up on what we missed in the NBA, and then before you know it, pitchers and catchers have begun to report. I think you'd all be better off if you simply started liking sports.

Oops, she did it again

With her latest incident in which she shaved her head, Britney Spears has officially joined a select list of celebrities who can no longer do anything that would surprise me (like Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman, Michael Jackson, O.J., etc). Think about it, if you were to read later today that she went on a killing rampage, would you be surprised? I wouldn’t. It would be tragic and horrible, but not surprising. In fact, I think it’s more surprising when a day goes by for that girl without incident. The scariest part about Britney though is that there’s nobody around to stop her, so this has the opportunity to go on until she’s arrested, injured, or even lying dead somewhere.

I’m reminded of a Chris Rock joke where he said something along the lines of "remember when we used to debate about who was less crazy, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!" Eight or nine years ago, we were having a debate about who would be the bigger star, Britney or Christina. How dated does that seem now? Yesterday night, Christina was looking great while performing at the NBA All-Star game halftime show. Britney was presumably staring at herself in the mirror, crying, and looking like Demi Moore in "GI Jane". Just awful.

[Editor's note: I apologize for the lack of originality in the title of this post. Your comments with a better title are welcomed]

The worst case scenario of Thomas Jefferson's Randoms

- A phobia is a fear of something. So by definition, shouldn’t being homophobic mean you have a fear of gay people and not a hatred for them?

- This season’s cast of "The Real World" has to get crackin’ on the drama. Don’t they realize they’re supposed to hate each other? Hopefully the whiny girl gets something going next Wednesday.

- Have you ever seen a truck weigh station that was open? (courtesy of B.C.)

- Being a newlywed guy means that you’ll have to get used to watching crap on TV that is geared towards high school girls. Case in point: Grey’s Anatomy, E! News Daily, Real World, pretty much any drama on MTV. If I start reading Seventeen magazine, I give you all permission to start the intervention.

- Quick gift idea though. If your wife/girlfriend does not already have a subscription to People Magazine, get it for her. They may not admit it, but trust me, they all want it.

- Can you put a price on the moment when you’re using a snowblower and the wind blows it right back in your face? That always feels good.

- I’ve mentioned this before, but I love Friday jean day at work. I saw a guy this morning wearing jeans that would be too tight on Mick Jagger. They weren’t acid-washed, but you can't always get whatcha want.

- I work with another guy that didn’t get the memo that "Cosby-sweater" Friday hasn’t been invented yet. Perhaps he’s just preparing himself for when it finally happens.

- Any time Global Warming wants to start doing its job is okay by me.
- First we were told of things that had jumped the shark. Then we were told that jump the shark had jumped the shark. I keep waiting for the moment when jump the shark has jumped the shark jumps the shark. Stay tuned.

Night of the living dead Presidents

The US Mint has begun rolling out the latest attempt at a one dollar coin. The mint will release four new designs of the coin a year, each featuring a different president.

The George Washington coin (pictured) has already been put into circulation. Doesn't he look a bit odd? Is that how we want to honor the father of our country? Those are the eyes of the undead. I hope the rest of the presidents don't look like zombies too. Well, except maybe for Andrew Jackson. That guy looked like death anyway.

Yeah, that was my bad

If you haven’t heard by now, former NBA player Tim Hardaway stated yesterday in a radio interview that he hates gay people. That’s not a paraphrase, he actually said the words "I hate gay people". This of course was in reaction to another former NBA player John Amaechi recently coming out as being gay, and Hardaway was asked his feelings on the matter. Afterwards, Hardaway apologized for his comments by saying "I shouldn’t have said I hate gay people or anything like that. That was my mistake."

I don’t know how you feel, but any time something like this happens, it puts a hop in my step. I live for situations like these. Look how close Hardaway came to using the "my bad" defense, substituting the word "bad" with "mistake". Wouldn’t you love it if more people started using this defense?

- Pete Rose, you gambled on baseball. "Yeah, that was my bad."
- Rae Carruth, you killed your former girlfriend. "Hmm, yeah, my bad on that."
- Brian, you’re not funny. "You’re right, my bad."
- George Bush, you got us stuck in Iraq with no way out. "Yeah, completely my bad."
- Barry Bonds, you took all those steroids. "F___ you!"

Some people need to work on their apologies.

Confused hearts

I don't understand what this...

has to do with this....

Why wasn't it called "Heads DOWN, 7-Up"?

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who used to cheat at Heads-up 7-up, and those who didn’t. And if you call yourself a non-cheater, I’ll call you a liar. We all cheated at that game, or at least tried to. Sure, we were sneaky about it. We’d put our head down between our arm, but then we’d try to sneak a peek of the shoes that walked by. That was really the most fool-proof way to cheat and get away with it. Another way to cheat, a method created by a classmate of mine Nathan Tallman, was a little more ballsy than the previous method and only worked if you were one of the 7 chosen ones pushing down thumbs. It also required that you had a teacher who didn’t pay attention. Here’s how it worked: let’s say Nathan pushes down my thumb. Of course I would know it was him because I was staring down at his shoes when he did it. But when it came time for me to "guess" that it was him, he would deny it. Pretty smart, huh? What could I do? Say that I knew it was him and admit that I had seen his shoes? No way! Then everyone would know I was a cheater. Instead, I had to sit there and take it.

Nathan Tallman may have been a genius.

What better way to say 'I love you' than with the gift of a spatula?

It's 3am, do you know where your bloglets are?

I think its funny that people got together to name something as important as a mountain range and the best they could come up with was "Rocky Mountains". How remarkably unimaginative. Aren't all mountains rocky? Let's tell foreigners that they're named after someone named Rocky so we don't all look like idiots.

I just got done playing Madden 07 on the Wii and now my shoulder hurts. I think I have Wiipeditive Stress Injury.

If anyone makes it to the Brookfield Zoo anytime in the near future, can you pick me up a Mold-a-rama tiger sculpture? I can't seem to find the one I got in 6th grade. I did, however, find a purple melted wax blob in a box of my old stuff.

I think Just One Of The Guys would have been a better movie if while pretending to be a boy, Terry learned karate from an old Asian man and then fought Greg Tolan in a climactic championship karate tournament. It seems like they could have killed two birds with one stone there.

And speaking of Just One Of The Guys, does it strike anyone else as odd that in a movie about a girl pretending to be a guy that falls in love with her best friend who thinks she's a guy and then tells him she's a girl by flashing her breasts, that the most uncomfortable moment in the movie is when Rick talks about how big a fan he is of James Brown? Or is it just me?

No pictures, please

Did you ever put gel in your hair, forget to brush it, and then go to work that way and then by the time you got there the gel had set in so your hair was "frozen" like that for the rest of the day?

Me neither. I was just asking.

It Never Fails

In mid-December, Jill and I had the fine folks from Perma-Seal come out and inspect our basement because we were getting water down there. It seemed like we would get at least a few puddles after every storm no matter how hard the rain came down. There was no denying we had to get it fixed, especially since we had plans to remodel it.

So a couple months ago, Perma-Seal came out and quoted me $8500 to fix our problem(s). Now I’ll admit I gasped a little bit when the guy said that number, but then he showed me the itemized bill and it made a little more sense. Believe me, our basement needs a lot of work. So anyway, after providing the quote, Perma-Seal called me back the next day and scheduled the work to be done on February 22nd and 23rd.

Fast forward to today: we have not had any water in our basement since they came out for the inspection two months ago. What had been practically a daily occurrence of new standing water has yet to occur again since they originally came out. Why does that always happen? It’s like when you sit through the pain of a toothache for a week or two, then the day before you’re supposed to see the dentist, the pain stops. What the ####?!?! I’ll be honest, I’d feel much better about handing over $8500 if my basement was a small lake right now.

Death pool gimmies

The perennial death pool first round draft picks are dropping like flies. Steve Irwin bit it last year and now comes word that Anna Nicole Smith is dead too.

With Fidel Castro knocking on death's door, I think it's safe to say that John Goodman and Horatio Sanz are very very scared right about now.

Houston, I've got problems

I'm fascinated by the story of the astronaut woman accused of attempting to kidnap the girlfriend of a male astronaut. U.S. Navy Capt. Lisa Nowak was arrested in Orlando after driving from Houston to confront the female companion of fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein. She reportedly wore adult diapers during the 1000 mile drive so she would not have to stop for bathroom breaks along the way.

I'm reminded of Brian's theory that the only thing better than a hot girl, is a hot girl who's kinda crazy. I think the theory hits the wall at hot girls that are so crazy they'll drive 1000 miles wearing diapers.

The proud uncle

Last night, I filled in as the male father figure for Kara, my 4-year-old niece. She had a party at her pre-school where all the "Dad's" were invited to hang out and get to know the teachers, play games, sing songs, and do all that other crazy things that Mom's find interesting but Dad's would rather kill themselves. I'm not speaking for myself here; I'm basing it on the looks on all the other Dad's faces. Okay so anyway, I found out that Kara is the alpha dog of the class. My sister was concerned that she was getting picked on because of some of the stories she came home with. Not accurate. In fact, it was the complete opposite; she was the bully. She was loud, a little mean, and the kids seemed to look to her for direction. Yes, I was proud.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Brian played games and sang songs with a bunch of 4 year olds?" The answer - yes I did. And there's video of this somewhere because I saw one of the teachers with a camera, meaning somewhere out there is a video of me dancing like a chicken and shaking a plastic egg with small rocks in it (for noise). If I get my hands on this video, you can be sure it will not make its way to youtube like my friend Eric from my wedding, but rather it will be destroyed and never seen or heard from again.

By the way, if you're not sure which youtube video of Eric I'm referring to, click here. He's the guy in the flaming leopard hat. And yes, we remind him of this video almost daily.

Yes! Indy Face!

As much as it pains me to write post-game final thoughts of that busted game on Sunday, I’d be somewhat of a hypocrite if I ignored it after all the pre-game nonsense that I put up on this site. So here goes:

- Watching the Super Bowl at a bar is good for atmosphere, but you definitely miss part of the broadcast. I can’t tell you one thing about the commercials or the broadcasters because I couldn’t hear them. Maybe that’s a good thing.

- I couldn’t hear what was going on during that pre-game show, but it looked like the choreographer was trying to recreate something from Mardi Gras. Didn’t they realize the Bears won that game 2 weeks ago?

- The basic premise of the Cover-2 defense is to bend but don’t break. You give up small, but prevent big. Pretty simple. But if your best player on defense is your middle linebacker and the opposing offense is avoiding him by continuing to go small, shouldn’t you adjust? Why continue to give up 5 or 6 yards per play the whole game? If you’re gonna lose, at least lose because your best players didn’t play well. Don’t make it because your best players weren’t involved.

- Dominick Rhodes is going to get paid for that performance. But I have no doubt that the worst back in the league could have done the same thing under the same circumstances.

- I wish Peyton Manning was the quarterback for MY favorite team. It’s almost unfair being able to root for a team whose quarterback is so much better than everyone else’s.

- Every game, the Bears will run a pass play 2 or 3 times where Rex drops back one step, then lofts the ball straight up for grabs to one of his receivers. On the year, it had a zero percent success rate with the occasional INT. Let’s hope they remove that play going into next season.

- What is that play even called in the playbook? "The Rex interception flag, on one, ready BREAK"

- Nothing is worse for a good buzz than watching your team trying to come back late in the game, but Rex Grossman is your quarterback. I think my hiccups started as soon as the ball left his hands for that final INT.

- I think that’s enough about Rex. After all is said and done, could we really have expected more than that? I don’t think so. He’s an easy target, but they didn’t lose because of him.

- The worst feeling in the world: coming home and remembering that you Tivo'd all the pre-game and post-game festivities. It's great to have if your team wins, but it's a horrible reminder if your team doesn't.

- A look on the bright side: we were spared countless "Grin and Bear it" newspaper headlines.

- A look on the not-so-bright side: you have to put up with crappy headlines like the one I used for this post.

- I asked a co-worker of mine on Friday what he would rather have; his favorite team not make it to the Super Bowl, or his favorite team lose in the Super Bowl. We both chose the latter. I have officially changed my mind. Monday sucked.

Past regrets

Are you like me? Do you dwell on things you've said or done in the past that have made you look like an idiot? I'm not sure what reminded me of this story today but now I can't stop thinking about it.

When I was 16 I worked at a movie theater as an usher. During one busy night at the movies, myself and the other ushers were rushing to clean a theater before allowing the next showing in. It took a while because it was particularly messy in there. We knew the crowd outside was growing anxious about getting to their seats because we were coming up on the start time.

When I opened the door to let the mob of people inside, I started to say, "Thank you for your patience." But halfway through, my mind called an audible and decided to say "Sorry about the inconvenience" so it came out sounding like, "Thank you for your inconvenience." I'm such a moron.

These are the sorts of things that pop into my mind every once in a while. There are thousands of little faux pas that have piled up in my head to make me the social misfit I am today. I need therapy.

Welcome to SportClips, would you like to try the chicken wings?

I know I said that yesterday's posting would be the last of the week, but I had an experience last night that I'd like to share. First off, if you haven't been to SportClips yet, I'll give you all a quick run-down of the place. SportClips is the new haircutting place designed specifically for guys. You walk in and there's sports memorabilia everywhere, a big screen television fixed on ESPNews (unless there's a game going on, in which case, the game will be showing), and miniature televisions throughout. You have three options for a haircut: $15 for a regular haircut, $17 for a haircut and shampoo, and $21 for the works (which advertises as including a shampoo and head/neck massage). I'm not sure if these are the prices at every SportClips, but these were the prices at the one I was at. Anyway, you should have seen the clientele at this place. I swear, the guy sitting next to me looked like one of those guys who gets recognized at the strip club. Not a good sign, but at least ESPN was still on. So I'm sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called, but it's taking forever. The girl said 5 minutes, but I had been there for like 20 and I still wasn't next. Jill was waiting for me at Old Navy and I was tired of waiting at this place, so I decided to pitch the idea and take off.

I picked up Jill and she saw that I still didn't have a haircut. She said it's silly to go all the way home without getting it cut and recommended we go to Ulta3, where she knew they had a salon there. Ulta3 was a quick 30 second drive away. I can't even begin to tell you the difference between sitting in the waiting room at SportClips and sitting in the waiting room at the Ulta3 salon. But it's kind of like when you're a kid and it's getting late in the evening and you ask your mom if you can have some ice cream, but she says "no not now, but how about you take a bath and go to bed". Just brutal. A minute ago, I was watching ESPN and now I'm sitting in a place that smells like my Grandma's house did whenever one of my aunts would get a perm. Not to mention, it's a woman's playground, so there's no way one of them can walk out of there without spending a quick bill or two.

But I got my haircut and I guess that's all that matters. For you guys, if you haven't been to SportClips yet, I suggest you try it out at least once just to say that you did. I don't know how good they are at cutting hair, but the atmosphere is nice (minus the creepy guy of course). Personally, I'll be sticking with GreatClips. There's no ESPN, but there's also no creepy guy, and more importantly, no perm smell. I hate that smell.

So put your little hand in mine...

Rise and shine, campers, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today.
It's cold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach?
Not hardly.

A building with 3 Mannings, one of whom is balding

- I just noticed that both of the head coaches of the two Super Bowl teams are black. I wonder if that’s ever happened before.

- Peyton Manning looks like the Super Jock field goal kicker. It’s possible that you have no idea what I mean by that, but if you do, you’ll find that very funny.

- The Colts are favored I guess because they are one of the highest scoring teams in the league. Then again so are the Bears, so that can’t really be the reason. Maybe they’re favored because they think Super Jock can win the game all by himself.

- I think it would be funny to be in Miami right now, just so I could see the looks on the faces of all the skinny tan locals as their city becomes over-run by the fat and pale football fans from Indianapolis and Chicago.

- Reporter: "Brian, you just won the SB. What are you gonna do now?"
- Urlacher: "I’m going to Disney Land!"
- Reporter: "What about you Tank?"
- Tank: "I’m going back to Gurnee, IL where I’ll be on continued house arrest!"

- I’m a Bears fan, but potential for that quote is the real reason I hope they win.

- Back on January 2nd, I put in a request for the day off on Monday, February 5th. I have a feeling there’s going to be countless people in the office on Monday morning wishing they had done the same thing.

- I just looked it up; Lovie Smith and Tony Dungy are still black.

- I read that some Bears fans are buying tickets to Soldier Field to watch the game on their Jumbotron. Anybody that pays money to sit outside in 6 degree weather to watch an empty field has to be some kind of moron.

- This will be my final posting until next week. Until then, Go Bears!